Coronation Street Episode Review Friday 21 September 8.30pm

Previously published at: https://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com/2018/09/coronation-street-episode-review-friday_48.html

We’re back. Toyah has rescued Imran after his beating at the hands of Tim and is tending his wounds and insisting that she definitely doesn’t fancy him whilst looking at him like he’s an all-you-can-eat tofu buffet. I’m not totally convinced of the chemistry between these two, but he’s at least a better match than Peter.

Over at the factory Peter is feeling like Carla’s lackey so hatches a plan to buy an abandoned snooker hall which has miraculously appeared overnight on Victoria Street. You do have to wonder where he is getting his pots of money from? Has he done some sort of deal involving a cow and some magic beans?

Claudia is still over at the Barlow residence. She offers to read Ken’s short story which Daniel has already dismissed as being too wordy. When she proffers a perfectly good suggestion about it having a female protagonist Ken gets a bee in his bouffant about dumbing down and practically calls her stupid. The cheek of it! Next time Claudia forget about the facial and give him a back, sack and crack wax.

Back at the McDonald’s Liz is fussing over Hannah like a spandex clad Florence Nightingale. She suggests Hannah move in so that she can look after her. Jim’s not impressed with the idea. ‘You’re supposed to be taking things slowly’ he growls. Hannah retaliates by accusing him of still having feelings for Liz, the woman who abandoned him in his hour of need. He denies it, insisting he wants them to have a future together. Later out of Hannah’s earshot Liz apologises for not being there for him and tells him he is welcome whenever he likes. Will Jim have second thoughts about conning Elizabeth?

Coronation Street Episode Review Friday 21 September 7.30pm

Previously published at: https://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com/2018/09/coronation-street-episode-review-friday_22.html

We open in prison with Sally, the new Weatherfield one, practicing her relaxation techniques. One thing you can say about Corrie is they get the most out of their sets. That prison and hospital has had more use this year than Liz’s tummy-control thong.

Sally could be gracing both with her presence soon as, totally forgetting where she is, she boasts about formerly being the mayor and having a rich husband, earning her a bloody nose from her thieving cellmate. Weeping and humiliated she realises her mistakes, forgives Sophie and reinstates Paula.

The man who is partly the cause of all this isn’t having a much better day. In the café Imran is humiliated by the Battersby sisters when he’s made to get down on one knee and apologise to Leanne. Then outside the café he gets a thumping from Tim for putting Sally behind bars.  That’ll teach him to be educated and look dashing in a suit. The best way to avoid misfortune in Weatherfield is to have one O-level in pottery and dress like you’ve rolled yourself in glue and ran through a charity shop.

Talking of style Ken gets a terrible haircut from Audrey which Claudia offers to fix in return for a glass of vino. When Aud calls round to apologise Ken is in a face pack looking a dead ringer for Sergei in the opening credits.

Meanwhile over at Chez McDonald there’s some bad news concerning the impending nuptials. Tracy and Steve’s wedding venue has gone up in flames. How did that happen? Did Tracy cross the threshold without being invited? Either way they can’t get the deposit back. ‘I’m gonna be skint after this wedding’ Steve moans to his feckless father, causing Jim to text Hannah telling her they’ll have to concentrate on getting the money out of Liz. Not a girl to hang about, Hannah immediately pretends to collapse in the Rovers from her fake illness.

I’m not sure this is part of Big Jim’s plan so it’s not…but we’ll find out at 8.30.

Top of the Fox

Like a Pet Dog (to be sung to the tune of Madonna's 'Like a Virgin')

I made it through the winter months

Somehow I made it through
Didn't know how starved I was
Until I met you

I'd have eat-en my feet
I was thin
I was stealing from bins
But you gave me a meal
And it made me feel
Happy and full

Like a pet dog
Fed by a friendly human
Like a pet dog
When you serve me, food from a can

You gave me beef with biscuits

You gave me turkey and rice
Been sitting outside your door
I don't need calling twice

You're so kind
Will you mind..?
If I dig, up your plants and rocks
Cos I must confess...
I love to make a mess
I am still a fox

Not a pet dog....

Coronation Street Episode Review Friday 14 September 8.30pm

First published on https://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com/2018/09/coronation-street-review-friday-14.html

We’re back and Jim has hastily come up with a story about Hannah changing her surname to escape a jealous ex. It becomes clear that the con is bigger than just Hannah and Jim when he phones a mysterious contact to arrange another fake DNA test and then arranges for a (surely bogus) lawyer to turn up talking about a large compensation pay-out.

Meanwhile Evelyn is over at Dev’s making a nuisance of herself. She tries threats of ageism, swapping the labels around on a Dev’s stock and some light shoplifting before finally faking a heart attack.  Tyrone finds her and brings her back to number 9 where she wastes no time making herself at home. Corrie is fabulous for sharp-tongued battle-axes and Maureen Lipman is already brilliant. Long may she huddle in a Rovers nook with a sweet sherry and a dry put down.

Toyah tells Adam that she knows about Leanne’s office romance and she’s fine with it. He repeats the mix up to Imran, who’s eyes light up at the thought of some consequence-free hanky-panky with both Battersby sisters. With all the romantic misunderstanding over siblings, it would all be rather like a Shakespearean comedy…if the action was centred in a solicitor’s office in Weatherfield!

Over at Speed Daal Sophie watches as Kevin and Paula have an awkward date set up by the ever- persistent Sally. As promised Paula lets Kev down gently before giving Sophie a lecherous arm stroke.

At the Rovers the details of Hannah and Jim’s plot is starting to emerge. Hannah tells Liz and Steve that the compensation money they receive will help her and Jim get treatment for their myotonic dystrophy condition. The trouble is they don’t have much time and there is a pioneering treatment in the States, if only they could somehow get the money sooner… It’s actually a take on possibly one of the oldest confidence tricks, the Spanish Prisoner scam (see: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanish_Prisoner). Surely Tracy Drew could work this out? Get her on the case someone.

Personally, I think Jim is being conned too and Hannah will disappear with all the money. I can’t imagine that there are many 26-year-olds whose hearts would be set fluttering by Jim. Then again maybe she has fetish for Irish ex-cons who elongate people’s names?

That’s all from me. Back next week or you can read my general musings on Twitter @mskelstar.
Kelly

Coronation Street Episode Review Friday 14 September 7.30pm

First published on https://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com/2018/09/coronation-street-episode-review-friday_15.html

We open with the con in full swing as an emotional Liz presents Hannah/Fake Katie with a necklace, whilst Jim is at the actual Katie’s grave asking for forgiveness for what he’s doing to her memory. Jim’s habit of calling people by their full forenames even extends to him addressing his deceased daughter as ‘Katherine’. How does Jim introduce himself I wonder? I really hope it’s as Big James C McDonald in a Treasure of the Sierra Madre fashion. Liz arrives at the graveside too and misinterprets Jim’s guilt.  ‘We’re allowed to cry for the daughter we buried’ she says as Jim hangs his head in shame.

Leanne admits to Toyah that she’s seeing someone from work but implies that it’s Adam. Then back at the office she tells Imran she wants a strictly ‘no strings attached’ relationship before delving into her favourite solicitor’s briefs. Is anyone else worried about the hygiene situation in that office? I think they might need to get Gail in there to give all their surfaces a good going over with her Mr Muscle.

Meanwhile at number 9 Tyrone is being ghosted by Evelyn who is ignoring his phone calls. But then in an extraordinary-and in no way moving the plot along-coincidence a housing officer calls round and reveals Evelyn is being evicted and has nowhere to stay. Tyrone is all for offering his new Nan a place to stay but Evelyn’s not convinced. I can’t say I blame her since the offer seems to involve her and her gigantic hound camping out in the front room. That wallpaper alone is enough to give most people nightmares.

Liz breaks the news to Steve that his sister is still alive which he understandably finds rather difficult to deal with.

‘How is that even possible?’ says Tracy, who wastes no time in undertaking some excellent online detective work and finding out that Hannah has a different surname on social media.

For the second time in two weeks Ms Barlow has emerged as the sensible voice of reason. Though I rather like it, I can’t help wondering what other characters are going to suddenly change direction. Next thing you know Maria will announce she’s taking a PhD in molecular biology and Carla will wear an outfit that isn’t entirely black.

Armed with their evidence Tracy and Steve summon Liz and Jim. How will James C McDonald talk his way out of this one?

By Kelly @mskelstar

Introducing....Top of the Fox

Living in the suburbs you see a fair few urban foxes. I've gotta admit I love them with their wily

faces, their bold cheekiness and their determination to survive at all costs - whether that means raiding a bin or snacking on a rat (who knows what London's rodent problem would be like without 10,000 urban foxes patrolling the streets?).

The skinny-looking chancer above visits my garden on a regular basis looking for some food. It's a tough life being an urban fox so I decided he deserved a chicken leg and a soundtrack.  In the first of a series we have:

I Got Some Chips (to be sung to the tune of 'I Saw the Light' by Hank Williams)

I wandered so hungry, stomach empty

I couldn't find nothing for my tea
Then a drunk's dinner slipped through his fingertips
And Praise the Lord, I got some chips

I got some chips, I got some chips
I just can't wait, I'm licking my lips
Now I'm so happy I'm doing backflips
Praise the Lord I got some chips

I was so hungry I'd bitten my tail
I'd even eaten some slugs and a snail
I couldn't stand no more hardships
Then Praise the Lord, I got some chips

I got some chips, I got some chips
I just can't wait, I'm licking my lips
Now I'm so happy I'm doing backflips
Praise the Lord I got some chips

Coronation Street Episode Review Friday 7 September 8.30pm

Previously published on the Coronation Street Blog

And we’re back in the Rovers where it’s fair to say that Jim is about as welcome as a hedgehog in a condom factory. Peter tries to attack him for the dodgy alcohol he gave him in prison and Steve storms out of the Rovers telling his dad that he’s nobody to him.

Finally, Liz takes him to the backroom, but not before Jim has clocked the sexual tension between her and Johnny. He can read Elizabeth like a book, so he can. He wants to know why Liz’s name isn’t still above the door of the Rovers, why Steve is marrying the Antichrist and a stiff drink…not necessarily in that order. Liz dully fills him in on all the news, including that he has a grandson, but he only gets a cup of tea. Sure, that’ll not quench a man’s brave first.

Back at the hospital Bethany is still ranting at Billy who argues that everybody deserves a chance at redemption. Bethany is having none of it and returns to Coronation Street to tell David. She’s stopped in her tracks when Shona tells her what a good place David is in now. She tells Billy that she’ll keep his secret providing he stays away from Josh. That’s not even the most exciting thing to happen at number 8 as David and Shona have invited Audrey and Lewis around for tea. Gail is understandably rather put out at the silver fox crossing her threshold, but unfortunately it’s only vampires who need an invitation to enter, not suave conmen with a penchant for naval wear. She issues one of her trademark ‘either they go, or I do’ ultimatums. Oh dear Gail. Shut the door on your way out.

Elsewhere Paula invents at least three hastily fabricated reasons to see Sophie. She seems to be a rather accomplished liar does Paula, although on the other hand Sally is very easily fooled. Having completely misread the situation she decides to set Paula up on a date with Kevin, which to Sophie’s chagrin she agrees to as a way to get Sally off her back.  Carla is also up for a bit of matchmaking, thinking that she might be able to push Peter back into Toyah’s floral clad arms. Not out of any sort of altruism of course, just as a way of removing the irresistible Barlow-shaped temptation from her own life.

Back at the Rovers Jim is on his way. He gives Peter a heartfelt apology, asks Liz to intercede with Steve and walks out the door and into a car containing a mysterious young woman.

‘Did you tell them?’ she asks.

‘All in good time’ says Jim.

Right that’s it from me. I’m off to practice my Jim McDonald accent so I am. Until next Friday…

By Kelly on twitter @MsKelstar

Coronation Street Episode Review Friday 7 September 7.30pm

Previously published on Coronation Street Blog.

We start tonight with the delightful sight of Toyah wandering down Coronation Street in her pyjamas. No, she hasn’t taken her boho look to a whole new level, she’s just managed to lock herself out of hers and Leanne’s mystery new home. After some light ribbing from Simon and Imran (but we all know where that’s going to lead), Peter offers her a bag of Tracey’s old clothes which were destined for the charity shop.  While she’s changing he finds time to whip her up a vegan lunchbox and enclose a good luck note. My, my Mr Barlow when did you become a grown-up?

Dev, Tim, Kirk and a reluctant Eileen are planning Steve’s stag. Stag do’s have changed quite considerably in the 21st century, nowadays it’s all kayaking in Iceland or exploring the cultural delights of Andalusia. Clearly none of this enlightenment has reached Weatherfield as the stags have gone for the full on 1970’s experience which means handcuffing Steve to the bar, daft t-shirts and men in bras. As yet no dwarfs are involved but the night is still young.

Over at number 9 Tyrone is still struggling to deal with the discovery of his ‘abduction’ by Jackie. How did it affect his real mother, he wonders? Is she still looking for him? Fizz suggests they turn to Roy for help in tracking her down and Roy does indeed have a plan – looking through 35-year-old newspapers for any report of a stolen child. Before long Brian in is recruited too (despite being mildly disappointed that it’s not an alien abduction). With Cropper and Packham on the case how can they fail!

Over at number 9 Tyrone is still struggling to deal with the discovery of his ‘abduction’ by Jackie. How did it affect his real mother, he wonders? Is she still looking for him? Fizz suggests they turn to Roy for help in tracking her down and Roy does indeed have a plan – looking through 35-year-old newspapers for any report of a stolen child. Before long Brian in is recruited too (despite being mildly disappointed that it’s not an alien abduction). With Cropper and Packham on the case how can they fail!

Meanwhile Bethany spots Billy giving homeless Frank some money and immediately jumps to the conclusion that he’s using drugs again.  Clearly having nothing else better to do, she decides to turn detective and follow him. Good try Miss Platt but you’re no Cropper and Packham. She of course finds the vicar at the hospital giving Josh a bible reading and bursts in accusing Billy of betraying David.

Back at the Rovers Steve is still handcuffed to the bar, waiting for Peter to bring the key when who should walk in but Jim McDonald – back from the Big House.

He greets them with a familiar: ‘What about you Steven. Elizabeth’. And then we’re left to catch ourselves on until 8.30…

By Kelly on twitter: @MsKelstar